Sometimes I find stuff and I don't know what to do with it.  So, i'll paste it right here.

North-South Skirmish Association Tribute to Jim and Sandra Baird

 

 Building My First Musket by Craig Goheen

I decided (partially because of COVID) that it was time for me to build a musket.  I’m a youngster in the N-SSA.  A friend had a Dunlap stock that he had held onto for a while, and he was willing to part with it if I wanted to build an 1842 Springfield Smoothbore.  

I’ve never done this before.  I do reload, and I did trigger work on 1911's; this didn’t seem like a giant leap. I was wrong.

Planning the Rifle

I have a stock, what do I need next?   A barrel?  I browsed the web and talked to teammates and they said I should order a Whitacre barrel - in white/bright? As a gun owner, and a novice builder I thought all gun barrels were blue or stainless.  I did not know what white/bright meant.  I found out white is how many folks describe barrels that aren’t blued.  Not knowing whether or not I needed to learn how to blue and since I’ve already bought a stock, I decided it was time to do some actual research.  There is a lot of information on 1842 Springfields. It is hard to imagine how many variations exist.  I could not find a single document or source to identify all the specifics I needed to learn.  So where to next?  N-SSA SAC (Small Arms Committee).  I asked, and quickly received, an application for a SAC card which is really a build sheet.  A build sheet tells me what parts I must have on the 1842 Springfield and where it should be on the Springfield.  For example:  To be compliant with the N-SSA rules, the rifle stock length must be 55 inches, plus or minus ½”.  The SAC rep, Mr. Holland, also sent instructions on how to measure the specified dimensions.  It doesn’t identify every single component of the Springfield, just the major observable parts.  

At this point I had a stock, an application for a SAC card, and a barrel.  Looking online I was able to find several helpful resources but there were numerous sites that were not helpful. I’m undecided about a majority of YouTube videos because they were too general.   Most of the diagrams that exist belong to companies that wish to sell you parts so they are not as detailed as a builder needs them to be. With the various diagrams I built a spreadsheet with all the parts I would need and the various companies that have the parts, their part number, and the costs including taxes and shipping.  

In hindsight, the spreadsheet was not the smartest of moves as I let costs drive my decisions. My first shipments of parts (suppliers will not be divulged) were garbage.   My subsequent  research showed that many inexpensive parts are made In SW Asia.  The better parts are made/supplied from Europe.  The inexpensive “new” parts I received were lacking quality control.  Parts were missing holes, some were rusted, most weren’t finished (required lots of work to polish) and in some cases they were brittle.   The new parts I ended up buying were barrel bands, sling swivels, band springs, ramrod, ramrod spoon, trigger, trigger guard, trigger plate, butt plate and various screws and pins. The original parts I purchased were the lock plate, lock components, and hammer.  I’ve been told that original parts are the best, but I was not sure.   I do know that I wanted an original lock plate (personal preference) and now I am convinced that original parts are better made.

Preparing The Parts

The first step in the build was to make sure all the parts were ready to be fitted to the stock.

The process of making the parts usable involved filing with a mill file, emery paper of various grits and polishing wheel.  Each step required 30 or more minutes at each stage of smoothing.   I could have gone directly to a buffing wheel with jewelers rouge, but then the parts would not have been smooth/flat but might be shiny. I started with a mill file, then 400 grit emery paper and worked my way up to 3000 grit.   I also used a Dremel, with a polishing compound. I learned there are at least 4 different grades of compound and different buffing wheels.  As I mentioned, this is a long process and takes many hours.   In several instances, when I decided the parts were substandard, I ordered duplicate parts from a supplier that has European made parts.  The parts are a significantly higher quality, they are finished/polished well and they are more expensive.  As an example, here are pictures of a European end barrel band and a  SW Asia end barrel band.   I gave up on finishing the smaller band (bottom of the picture) when I started polishing and noticed all the imperfections, beginning with it being ¼” shorter and missing the hole for the band spring.

After multiple orders, returns, non-returns (you bought it, you own it attitude),  I ended up with a mixture of suppliers.   Some of the barrel bands from SW Asia I kept primarily because I had invested so much effort.  As I mentioned, this is a long process and took many hours.  From a friend I had received a single original 1842 Sling Swivel, I needed two.  I bought another reproduction sling swivel and the differences between them is significant.  The original swivel is 1.75” wide and the reproductions are 1.95” wide.  The reproduction had obvious brazing and short of painting it, I didn’t know how I was going to get a matched set.

I couldn’t find a comparable swivel so I went to the N-SSA forum and started asking questions.   There is a gentleman in Arizona who said he had similar sling swivels. He sent them to me for comparison.  They were a good match, so a deal was struck.  

The Build

I have not been able to find a book, paper, article, that tells me how to conduct or even start the build.  I guessed and started fitting the barrel.  This part, in and of itself, could be a real chicken and egg discussion.  In retrospect, the barrel might NOT be the first component fit to the stock. But then I thought the lock plate should be first so I could figure out where the barrel should fit, specifically the nipple to the hammer.   But then the barrel could be first so the lock plate assembly can be fitted.  Of all the pieces that are being installed, the fit of the barrel and lock is the most observable and arguably the most important for proper function.

One of the considerations for fitting parts is how much wood you have to work with.  The stock, as I bought it, has been partially routed.  The lock inlay, the tang, barrel, etc.  The inlay usually needs to be enlarged to fit the parts.  The fitting of the lock, stock and barrel is a ballet.  The inlay for the lock, i.e., extra wood, only allowed for moving the lock ⅛” in any direction.  There is a little more flexibility for the barrel and tang.  

I still don’t have the answer on which should occur first.  I started with some barrel fitting. The major component fitting is a messy and difficult process for me.  I started using”NON-DRYING Prussia Blue”.  This is like blue ink that never dries.   I would slather over the bottom of the barrel and then set the barrel in the stock.   Then I’d remove the barrel and look for the dye which would indicate the high spots.   Using a barrel bedding tool I’d shave the high spots down, recover the barrel with blue, set it in place and repeat the process.   

To continue from this point in the build, I bought a set of wood tools for carving.  These included Iwasaki Wood files, Japanese wood carving tools and assorted chisels which needed lots of sharpening. I also bought a scalpel with 100 disposable blades.  The scalpel has been very useful. 

I started some lock fitting.  In order to get a gross fit on the lock I had to remove the hammer, tumbler, and springs.   If I left those parts on I would have had to work fitting all the parts as well as the lock plate.  With the initial fit of the lock plate and barrel I came upon a new level of complexity, the stock, towards the end, isn’t straight.  This meant I needed to fit the bands to hold the barrel in a correct relationship to the stock so the lock could achieve a final fit.  Once I started fitting the barrel bands I had to blue dye the barrel, put it in and try to fit the bands.  Then I did some barrel inletting and stock trimming to get the barrel and bands to fit.  It was during this process I learned there is a difference between a smoothbore ramrod and a rifle ramrod.  I went through the dye, assemble, disassemble, shave/carve process many, many times.  I ended up taking off too much of the stock's forend.   To resolve this mistake I went to the local hardwood store and got a scrap of walnut that I had to carve and sand so it matched the stock, then I glued it to the end of the stock and restarted the process.  

I finally finished the fit of the barrel, bands and stock. I went back to the lock plate, finished fitting it, then I assembled the lock, and it would not fit.   The process I followed for fitting all the lock parts was to put on a part, put blue dye on it, try the fit, find the contact point, carve and repeat.   Once the first part fit I added the next part, put blue dye on it, tried the fit, found the contact point, carve and repeat.

In order to continue with parts fitting I had to do drilling to establish the barrel tang screw which attaches to the trigger plate, so I now own a drill press.  Even with all these tools I still managed to drill the wrong angle on the tang screw.  I ended up filling the first hole with epoxy and redrilling it.  Not a lot of holes to drill (eight), but each one has particulars with regards to angles and size.   The lock plate screws need to be parallel, the butt plate screws are large and need a correct size hole.   

Once I completed the tang screw whole and mounted the lock and barrel I found out the trigger plate didn’t fit. More blue dye.  I got the trigger plate to fit so I put the trigger plate,trigger, guard all together, and it didn’t fit.  I disassembled it, put on one part, put on the blue dye and did the fit, carve,  fit process over and over until all the parts were reassembled and everything fit.   

Then I found out that even though all the parts fit, it doesn’t mean they operate correctly.  The trigger did not have enough internal clearance to properly activate the sear.  The trigger could not activate the sear until I figured out how much clearance I needed.  I now had all the internal parts installed, the barrel, butt plate and bands.   Next I needed to install the band retention springs.

After the barrel and lock alignment the hardest carving/alignment were the band springs. The band springs require a lot of detail carving and require holes that are not perpendicular to the barrel -  nor are they parallel to the barrel cut.  I went to the scrap pile and got a 2” x 2” piece of hardwood and practiced.  I drilled a hole then set the spring down, outlined it, and then started carving.  Even with that practice it didn’t turn out great, just good, and that is because the stock is a different shape than my practice wood.   

Once again I assembled the musket and decided to make sure the ramrod fit.  The ramrod didn’t fit, it was too tight.   Where could I find a 40”long drill bit to resolve the problem?  I didn’t.  I had a 48” x  ⅛” steel rod, and I duct taped pieces of 400 grit sandpaper around the rod.  Then I once again disassembled the musket and used the rod and paper to sand out the ramrod hole until it was large enough to allow the ramrod to fit.  Then I reassembled the musket and checked the fit - it works well.  

Finishing the Stock 

I have finished wood before and there are lots of options.  Some of the things I used in the past include tongue oil, linseed oil, stain and varnish.  I plan to use this musket out in the Ft Shenandoah environment.  That led me to choose a briwax stain finish.   It is a rub on, rub in, wipe off finish that weathers well.  But first, I had to take the musket apart, remove the vise block that comes as part of the stock and get out the sandpaper and start sanding.   I ended up sanding with 600 grit.  After using a soft cloth to apply the Briwax, I used fine steel wool to wipe it down, then another soft cloth to remove all the excess.  Then I reassembled the musket.

Closing Thoughts

Of all the things I’ve been taught, the very best information I received was never work more than 1.5 hours per day on the rifle at a time.  The couple of times I violated this rule I screwed something up.  Experience has showed me that after 90 minutes I started getting frustrated and would do dumb things like switch from 220 grit sand paper to 60 grit, so there are some gaps and wavy parts that should not be there.  

And what couldn't I find?  I have just kind of found out how the ramrod spoon is built/carved/cut into the stock. Another Springfield I took apart has a bedded barrel so the spoon isn’t totally visible.  I’ve asked some folks about the ramrod spoon.  They have recommended that I don’t install it, rather I should just put in the retaining pin so it looks correct.  I saw the bedded barrel on another Springfield. I now have questions about how to bed a barrel, maybe on a future build.  I also still need to figure out how to change the sight blade so it is brass, not chrome.  I’m reluctant to cut it off and try to solder on a piece of brass.   To do that I think I’d have to order a new end barrel band because my limited experience says I can’t get it right the first time.  I’d use the cast barrel band I got, which is short and ugly, but I’m not sure it is the same material. 

Will I do this again - Yes, because it was a great learning experience and I’m proud to say I built it.

I’m very happy with what I’ve accomplished, and next time I’ll do better.  Hopefully I’ll be able to get up to the Fortt soon and actually shoot it. Also I still need a SAC card/approval. And this build process started a new process on figuring out the load for this musket.   The barrel, a 69 caliber, was built to an internal diameter of .687 but a .685 won’t fit down the barrel easily.    A new process for me, and a new learning experience that involves terms like ruffing, tumbling, lubes, spruel etc.  

The next build will start with a bunch of questions and a much more detailed search for answers before I invest any dollars.  For Example: Is there a historical source for the weapon that has lots of details? Is there more than one model? Who could supply parts?   Are original parts available? Maybe I’ll look at an H&P.  

I’m retired.  I joined the 49th Virginia Volunteer Infantry 4 years ago and have been enjoying the camaraderie and competition.  I don’t have many answers but if you have questions or comments I can be reached at goheen@juno.com.

More remodeling

Before

 During

 After

It took about a week with the Help of Earl and John.   We had to move the plumbing off a side wall to the back wall then hand to move the electrical from the back wall to the side wall.  The light is the only thing that remains from the original powder room.  

Forty-Five

Yesterday would have been a 45th wedding anniversary.  Just a week ago I was at Arlington National Cemetery paying my respects to Mary on her birthdate.

Yesterday was Monday so it was a shooting night and I went and competed with .22 and .45 at the NRA range with 30 or so of my friends who are just as offset.  I shot very well, for me.

I got home and I was a little bit off.   Marsha (my girlfriend) had dinner and a beer ready for me even though it was pretty late.  It is a new routine for me and I enjoy it.  I don't know why I was pondering my past and my future, but it was one of those nights.  Several of my friends have picked up and moved to other states, and sometimes I think I should do that too.  But I'm here for now.

This morning was a banner day.  The Veterans Administration has done such a poor job with my urological issue I petitioned for a civilian referral.  I got it.  What a great appointment.   Usually I show up to the VA at least 45 min ahead of my appointment and I get seen 45 min after my appointment.  I always have to fill out a ton of paperwork and then the doctor always ask me the same questions that are on the sheet.  Then I get a song and dance about broken equipment so I have to go to radiology for a sonogram.  Then when I go to the sonogram schedule they tell me the earliest appointment is 3 weeks away, then my follow-up is 3 weeks after that then the VA doctor (and I use that term loosely) tells me to do it again.   It is not an easy drive to get down to DC to the VA hospital and then there is a parking issue and waits and so on and so on.   Last week the new civilian doctor's office sent me a note to fill out the paperwork online.  I did.  Then I showed up 1/2 hour early and they weren't open.  I showed up 15 min early, checked in and 10 min before my appointment the technician took be to the doctors office, reviewed the stuff I submitted, and then had me do a golden flow and by the time I was back in the room I'm still 4 min before I'm schedule to be with the Doctor, he walks in and introduces himself.   We had a great discussion, he talked about the episode and gave me a general assessment.   He has great humor, he said before he finished we'd have to consummate the relationship, bend over.   I guess he told me what I wanted to hear, and it made me very happy.  He established a timeline for things to watch for and things to do then he asked if we could do a blood test.  Done.   I did not feel rushed, it was one of the better Doctor visits I've hand.

When I left I was in great spirits and headed to Bob and Edith's for breakfast.  A great little restaurant that is open 24 hours a day and only serves breakfast.  A breakfast that can include Country Fried steak, pork chops, etc.  And as I sat eating breakfast I felt that all was right with the world.  A great feeling.  http://www.bobandedithsdiner.com  

Don't know why today is different.   The lawn still needed mowing, the stump needed to be drilled, I had guns to clean and it was all very enjoyable.  

Next will be dinner, I'm cooking Salmon and pork chops.   I don't like fish but Marsha does so I'll gladly cook it up.   I'll include Asparagus tonight and probably a salad.   Still debating which wine, I'm partial to Cote De Rhone and Marsha prefers Pinot Noir.   Hmmm maybe wine for Marsha a beer for me.   Beer seems to go with everything.  

Everything I had to do and I still had time to sit on the back porch, enjoy a good cigar and a cold beer. It is a good day today.

Snickers

Snickers arrived in 2007.  We had owned a pair of Schnauzers (Fritz and Willie) and one died at age 15 and one at age 17.  Losing our dogs was tough and when Willie died I told Mary, no more dogs.  I don't want that sorrow again.  I left on a business trip and the day I got home Mary had a picture of a little puppy for me to look at, and I said - No!, no more dogs.  She then proudly announced that we would need to go to the airport the next day and pick up our new dog since it was being flown in from Missouri.   Hello Snickers, a Yorkie Schnauzer mix.

He wasn't my dog until Mary died, then he became my dog, and my responsibility. He was a great passenger when I was out on one of my drives.  He went walking with me every morning for 2 or more miles.  He was a good watchdog, poor lap dog, and actually pretty smart.

I had a dog walker who helped look after him on some days.  Snickers was a great friend and was my last tie to my previous life.  A daily reminder of good things and good times.In the spring of 2015 he started having some serious medical issues.  Pancreatitis.That was followed with a diagnosis of cancer.  The doctors operated on him and tried to remove all the cancerous growth.

It wasn't successful.  We also tried chemo therapy and we tried lots of meds.  I decided against Radiation therapy when the DVM could not give me any kind of good news or even hope.

One morning he couldn't walk.   I called my vet.  She cancelled a morning surgery to help me.  It was time, the suffering for both of us needed to end.  I got to hold him in my arms and cry him to sleep.  It brought back lots of pain from my past.  Just when I think I'm about to turn the corner, something else happens.

Running out of shampoo

This month I'm going to run out of shampoo.  I shower every day and I probably need a good tablespoon of shampoo to wash my thinning hair.  This month I'll run out of shampoo.  Why is that such a big deal?  I haven't bought any shampoo in at least 4 decades.  My wife always bought the shampoo, along with a lot of other things she managed.  My wife died 11 September 2012.  She was a bit of a hoarder.  She would buy stuff on sale.  She didn't seem to keep track of what we had on hand.  It was on sale so she would buy it.  After he death I began a purge.  Some things I doesn't know what I should do with them.  I have books and books of Postal Commemorative stamps that are only worth the value of the stamps which means I have to clip open and put tons of stamps on stuff. But in addition to lots of shampoo I still have at least 8 packs of forever stamps, and don't get me started on two dollar bills.   Anyway I'm running out of shampoo.  You can estimate anyway you want, but understand that I had a lot of shampoo stored in the bath closet.  It is another milestone.  A sad one, but nonetheless another milestone.  As each day passes I lose another physical contact with my wife.  Our dog has cancer.  He probably won't make it another 12 months, and he is only 9 years old, but that is another chapter for another night.

Last of my dignity - ADULT LANGUAGE!!

Having been raised in mid-America, I have a set of values imprinted by my Dad, my Mother and the morals/religion of the area.  An example would be appropriate here.   Every Thursday night I rode with Dad to Delphos to participate in a rifle match.  We either shot in Delphos or we traveled to the other team's home to shoot.  I was the only member of the team under the age of 18.  Actually, I think I was the only member under the age of 45.  The team consisted of a group of fine gentlemen who liked to shoot and were willing to help me learn.  I knew the first and last names of every team member.   It was easy, their first name was Mister.  On Occasion they could be Sir.  There was one individual on the team who was a Doctor.   All the other team members referred to him as Doc.   On a rare occasion I turned to the doctor and, in my big boy pants decided I too would refer to him as Doc.  I said, "Doc Yowell".  The last syllable of his last name had barely left my lips and the rest of the sentence was just forming in my mouth when I heard my Dad's voice, "That's Doctor to you!".  In a split second he was standing directly in front of me reiterating that the man's name was Doctor Yowell and instructing me to immediately go to Doctor Yowell, apologize for the familiarity and state his real title and in the apology.  It went something like, Doctor Yowell I'd like to apologize for calling you Doc.   Doctor Yowell protested and tried to wave his hand as if to brush it off while looking at Dad and saying it was ok.   Dad said it wasn't ok, Doctor Yowell had earned that title and deserved the respect.  As you can tell I haven't forgotten the event over 5 decades later.

So, I guess I'm explaining that I'm respectful, I try to be courteous, and I am shy/reserved.

Fast forward to October 2015.  The Veterans Administration has decided I need a 'Vesting' exam.   It implies that the VA is accepting me into the VA system (I've been going there for 10 years) and a physical for a baseline is required.  The physical showed a blood test result that indicated a "High PSA" value.  Based on that I was scheduled for a urological exam.  I get in to see the Urologist who promptly has me drop my drawers so he can conduct a digital exam.  He then looks at me and says that he felt a small abnormality and he thinks I need a prostate biopsy which is promptly scheduled for the first week of December.
There is prep work for the exam which includes antibiotics and "flushing" the intestines.
I arrived at the appointed day and time and a nurse takes me into an exam room and does height, weight, BP, Temperature and then tells me I need an antibiotic administered by an injection.  I said fine and she said that she likes to administer this shot in the buttocks because it is less painful.   I believe I can count all the times that a woman has seen my naked butt on just a couple fingers (no pun). OK, so I dropped my trousers and Yeeeoooooww!   Then I got dressed and headed back to the waiting room.

Several minutes later a mid-thirties female in surgical scrubs walks up and tells me that she is the urologist that will be performing the biopsy.   Really?  Okay?  Suck it up and put on the big boy pants, or rather take them off and put on a surgical garb.   Really?  A thirty something female has been given the responsibility to look in my shorts?   I don't know the procedure so this could be very embarrassing.   So the Dr's assistant shows up to get me prepped.   SHE is in her mid-forties and very cheerful.   She proceeds to explain the procedure.   I'll lay on my side, the doctor will insert two fingers into my rectum and feel the prostate.   Then the doctor will insert an ultrasound device into the rectum to "see" the prostate and to help position the biopsy sampling device.  Okay, I'm mentally doing math of fingers, ultrasound, sampler and I'm thinking a marching army is about to invade my ass. I walk into the "theater" and I'm instructed to lay on my side with my right leg slightly forward.  Then the doctor explains she is getting the lubricant and it might be cold and....Whooo Hoooo, Hold On Nelly.  Next I hear the doctor say "please relax".  She spends several minutes with her fingers then she says she is about to "introduce the ultrasound device".  "Please relax Mr. Goheen".  After several minutes she announces the my prostate appears to be enlarged.   The next step is to do the biopsy.  She introduces a "device" ands says I'll hear some very loud clicking each time she takes "EACH OF THE TWELVE SAMPLES!!!!!!!!"  It seems that they shoot some type of needle through the intestinal wall into the prostate.  After they remove all the equipment from my ass the doctor announces that she is going to put her fingers back in to apply direct pressure and she will hold that position for about 5 min.  After what seemed like and hour (4-5 min) she removed her fingers and told me to head back to my changing room and someone would check on me and get me cleared to go home.   As I stood in the changing room I felt something warm in-between my butt cheeks.   I figure it was lubricant so I headed to the bathroom as the nurse stepped in, gasped and pointed to the floor and asked me "Is that yours" as I spotted a broken egg size pool of blood.   I thought a second and responded, "it use to be".
She told me to sit down and she left to find the doctor.   The doctor came in looked at the floor, and said maybe we need to apply direct pressure some more.   However, the operating theater was being cleaned.   I'd need to lean over the chair in the room.  She left, got gauze, lubricant and sterile pads, squeezed out a bunch of cold lubricant on my butt and then dipped her fingers gauze in the lube and Woo Hoo here we go again.  This time she spent about 10 min in an awkward pose and we stemmed the flow of my life fluids. During this interlude she decided to ask me about my military career.  I provided a thumbnail sketch of my 29 years.  It was ah, guess, unusual to have a youngish female doctor with two of her fingers up my butt thanking me for my military service.  She noticed the bandaid on my butt and asked where it came from.   I explained the shot and she responded that she had never seen that before.   Hmmmmm

 She told me to report to any emergency room if the bleeding started again or I developed a fever.  In the mean time I should take stool softener for a week and abstain from any type of sexual activity.

They did set me up for a review of the results in two weeks.  The results were negative. yay.

I believe that there are young men (who don't need this procedure) that would probably have taken the time to get a date with the doctor while in the position.  That isn't me.  Am I old?  Or just a product of a different time and place.  I've been downtown D.C. and seen teenagers whip out their "manhood" and take a whizz in the nearest trash can, no embarrassment, no regrets, no modesty.   The times they are a changing.

As I continue to throw stuff out I find things I don't want to throw away, but I don't know what to do with them.   There is no doubt that when I die these things will be thrown into a landfill.  They include things like my USAF commission (reserve and regular), stuff from my military past like a drivers license.   Lots of things I scan, some are too big for my scanner so I take them to FEDEX/Kinko and they scan them and mail them to me(or thumb drive).  I'm amazed at how these bring back hidden memories, some good, some just so, so.  

Las week I found an old day planner.  You know them - 5x8 with little pages with calendars, notes, names etc.   It is what I used since I usually couldn't have a PDA or similar electronic device in the places I worked.   Anyway, in this day planner I found some quotes that I'd been keeping.   I don't know what to do with them, so I'll just print/post them here for  future reference.

"The first report is always wrong."    Captain Jerome J. Burke Jr., USN

What I hear I forget
What I see I remember
What I do I understand


Beauty if fleeting
Charm is deceitful
Youth is forever

"It will be duly recorded in the otherwise dismal record of human existence!!"  Lord John Orphan aka Dr Emilio Lazardo, offering grudging congratulation to Buckaroo Banzai on breaking thru to the 8th Dimenson.


GHOTI   (this is how you spell FISH)  touGH   wOmen moTIon


There are two things you never want to see made -- sausage and legislation - Bismark

Barney Suit = Purple Suit

"I don't want to spend a dollar chasing a dime."  Col "Crash" Konwin





Now I can shred that page that I've held onto for at least 15 years.   whew

Thankyou

Another milestone has been achieved, and in time for Memorial Day.  Mary's headstone is in place.  I took her peach colored roses the other day, her favorite.  Craig II and I went to visit for Mother's Day.  I took pictures of her headstone to her family reunion last week.  Without exception there was amazement with her service in Vietnam and Persian Gulf.  She's my war hero.

At the reunion I had several really helpful discussions with some of Mary's relatives.  It has promoted this writing.  I'm so very thankful to several folks who have given greatly of themselves to help me heal and progress.

First let me thank Bryn.  Bryn was a boss, a coworker and more importanly one hell of a great friend.  When Mary had her heart attack in 2001, on Sept 11, she didn't want anyone to know she had a heart attack.  She made me promise not to tell her mom, our son, friends, relatives, etc.  The mental burden on me was extreme.  I called Bryn at a late hour after driving around for many hours trying to understand what was going on and hoping this wouldn't result in her death.  It didn't but it did result in a double bypass.  Anyway, I called Bryn, he said I could come visit, and I did.  It was a great help.  Eleven years later, on the same date Bryn was there to lend support and an ear.  And he has been there every time I've felt the need.  Not to mention the cooking lessions and breakfasts.

There are many others that have stepped up.  Tom. Tim, Al, Audrey, Pat, Gina, Martha and more recently Marsha and Tracy.   Tracy is the wife of one of Mary's cousins.   She recently shared some very sage advice, and I appreciate that.   There are so many things I need to thank all of you for sharing, providing, or just listening.

In the past month my company decided that I needed to be RIF'd.  So currently I'm unemployed, and I may stay that way.  I didn't want to retire yet, but that is because I didn't want to make another significant change in my life in a 12 month period.  The retirement/unemployment has given me more time to think about things that I really didn't want to think about.  This isn't a cry for help, it is just an acknowledgement of appreciation to all those that stand up during an emotional need.  Thank you so very very much.

Another Achievement

It has turned out great.  Lots of lights, Lots of storage space and really nice appliances.

Two things in particular stand out.  One is the cabinet above the open counter area - a cabinet with glass doors on both sides that make it easy to access and to display some unique German Beer glasses.  I really, really like it.  and second is the tile work for the back splash.  It starts left of the stove, goes above and below the window and all the way to the sliding door.  It is excellent.  Also, in the second picture you'll see that I removed the room dividing ballisters, and the construction guy put down a slab of granite left over from making the counter tops.  The granite on the counter top is very nice and the job done on the seems is excellent.  I'm still trying to get the kitchen organized as to where I put pans, knives, etc.  I'm learning as I cook.  Also, notice the stove has a bottom drawer that is actually another oven that I can cook something like biscuits while something different cooks in the convection oven above.

It feels like my place now.  It is another of the changes that continue to affect, infect my life.

This past six months has been an unimaginable journey.  There have been lots of downs to it, and so few ups.  I have many, many friends to thank for their support.  If you have talked to me in the past six months, you know who you are, and to each of you I owe a great debt of thanks.  You have but to ask and I will be there for you.  Whatever you need, ask and I'll try my best to provide.   It can be a place to stay, moral support, a free meal, a shoulder to cry on.   You have but to ask.  I cannot possibly repay you in anyway for all you each have done for me, but I will try.

Almost Done

Almost Done

Neighbors

For the most part I do not know my neighbors.  On one side of my house I have the Taxi Cab family and on the other side I have the transient residence for folks moving to America from overseas.  Across the street I have the lady that doesn't like my leaf blower - but she spends time outside growing things.  Scattered throughout the neighborhood I know three families that have lived in this neighborhood, like me, since it was built in 1983.  For the most part the neighbors on either side seemed to have been antagonist to my wife's existence.  I can't count the number of times she would remark about them not mowing, not spraying for weeds,  having too many people in their homes, parking the wrong way and so on.   I never interacted with the neighbors and really thought that they disliked my wife just based on the number of times I saw my wife yell at their kids for riding the bikes on our grass, or throwing a ball in the yard. 

About a month ago the transient residents stopped my sister-in-law and asked about Mary.  Pat explained that Mary had died.  She said the neighbors offered their condolences and even offered to come over an cook a meal for me if I really needed it.

Yesterday the taxi cab family wife waved me over to her as I was returning home from a class.  She asked if everything was OK because she had not seen my wife in a long time.  I explained to her that my wife had died last September.  She seemed honestly concerned and expressed her condolences.  Her English is a bit rough but we stood and talked for a bit and she showed me where her pacemaker had been installed. 

Who knew?  I was flabbergasted to think that these ladies ever talked to my wife and had a civil conversation, but evidently there was more to my wife's daily existence then yelling at neighborhood kids.  Mary didn't communicate the simple things in her life to me.  She conveyed the extremes.  The really, really good things like CCD and NASCAR, and the really, really bad things like neighbor kids, bad drivers and people who don't know how to do their own taxes (I guess I was an exception on the last one.). 

Things need to be different.  I can't go back an right my perceived wrongs of the past.  I can work to make it different in the future. 

Kind of a before and now pictures.

Kitchen Continued

The work in the kitchen continues.  I talked to the contractor today and he said it should be all wrapped up by a week from Friday.

The light fixtures are all in, the dishwasher as been added, the mop board has been installed all the way around and the measurements are all done for the counter top which is suppose to arrive next Monday.  The issues that have popped up concern the size of the stove and it's configuration.  With all the knobs on the front, the dishwasher had to be moved over and the sink had to move so the dishwasher would clear the stove.  It is an experience and now that I've been through it once I have ideas on how to do it better next time, but I don't imagine a next time.  In the second picture above, the pantry is about center on the picture.  It has shelves.drawers that pull out to allow ease of access.  I didn't order them, the contractor did that for me.   They are very nice, good addition.  

I'm very happy with what I selected for the kitchen appliances.  The refrigerator is very quiet and is working well and the stove includes a heating box (bottom drawer) and it is a convection oven with lots of features that I may never figure out.  Supposedly the counter top will be ordered this week and installed next week, fingers crossed.  The speed of the effort isn't break neck, but it is getting done.

Yaaayy!   The cabinets were roughed in yesterday and the lead carpenter and I spent a while looking at the arrangements.  We made some minor moves of lower cabinets, I'm happy with the top ones.  I'm especially happy with the cabinet in the second picture on the top right corner.  They have ordered a special glass for the cabinet.  The lower cabinets on the island open from both sides.   In the third picture the pantry in the back left will have slide out shelves, wow.  The drawers and doors have slow closing mechanisms that keep them from banging.  These cabinets are bigger than the old cabinets and since I've gotten rid of lots of stuff, I shouldn't have any problem storing everything.   In the bottom picture on the left is a door, that is going in the bathroom so all the old brown doors will be gone.  Then a set of cabinets will go across the top and the new refrigerator and microwave will be on that wall. By the end of the week they should order the new granite counter top and then that should be a one day install next week - fingers crossed.