Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more

It began four months ago, and it is still over 15 hours before something happens.   I've had the flu for a week and it has ruined my appetite, and made me feel like shit for hours on end.  Yesterday I was hungry and actually ate supper (dinner to you east coasters).  Today my appetite has once again left and I thought it might be the flu hanging on, now I know so much better.  I can feel the stress and I recognize all the symptoms from other events.  Make it stop please.  

Tomorrow is going to be impossible and snow is forecast, which isn't a bad thing.   Mary liked walking in the fresh falling snow listening to the crunch and being amazed at the completeness of the quiet and the light show as the flakes danced in the beams of street lights.   My son and I had a nice talk today.   We discussed our expectations from tomorrow's internment at Arlington National Cemetry.  

My son has no expectations.   I have hopes and my expectations are limited to my desire to be able to grab ahold of my emotions and as of right this second I know that is a lost cause.   

I'm not sure about soooo many things.  Even after the ceremony, what next.  I haven't been drunk in probably 15 or more years.  I would love to get silly drunk tonight and miss tomorrow's event.   Not really, I want Mary to receive all the honors she deserves, and I want to be there, but I don't   I hope, I just hope I can make it through tomorrow, tonight would be nice, but tomorrow for sure.