It was time

I have avoided going to Arlington National Cemetery.  I've said it was too cold, too windy, too whatever.    I've allowed other things to get in the way as excuses.  It was past time to visit.  A friend of mine had written me and said that he stopped by Mary's grave site and she had new neighbors.

Last Saturday I decided it was past time.  I asked a good friend to go with me, kind of a safety net in case, well in case I needed some one to drive.  She stepped up and said of course and actually said she thought it was an honor that I would ask her to go with me.

It was a quick drive.  In retrospect I realize it I was very chatty as the trip started and by the time we got near the Pentagon I started getting very quiet.  When you have a loved one buried at Arlington you get a special pass for your car.   This pass gets you through two layers of traffic control and allows you to drive to the road nearest your loved ones grave site and park.  It is very nice.  I drove up within probably 100 yards of Mary's site.   Marsha and I got out and strolled towards Mary's grave site.  Marsha reached out and grabbed my hand.  It was reassuring to have someone hold my hand as we walked closer.  It wasn't too hard to find Mary's grave.  Right now there is a little metal frame that holds a card with Mary's name on it.  At that moment, even with Marsha holding my hand, everything else disappeared.  I know the wind was blowing, I know it was cold, I know my hand was being held, but all that disappeared for a few seconds.  I miss Mary.  I don't know how long I stood there, it wasn't but a moment.  I knew that I couldn't do it for long as my emotions were spinning up and then I realized I wasn't by myself and there was someone next to me, probably getting very cold.  I turned to my left and saw the USAF Memorial up by Henderson Hall.  I turned a few degrees more to my left and saw the Pentagon, as I continued turning left I saw the Jefferson Memorial, Washington Monument and then the Lincoln Memorial.  It is a very nice site.

It was a good day.  I'm sure there are more good days ahead.

Laurel Hills Memorial Park called looking for Mary.  It was time to renew the flower delivery to Mary's mom's grave site down by Fredericksburg.   When I explained to the young lady that Mary had died, the young lady apologized for bothering me and offered her condolences and was ready to hang up when I stopped her.   I was struck by the fact she wasn't going to try to keep selling me something like so many other telephone solicitors that have called in recent months.  I signed up for another year of flowers.

I do things and I can't explain why I do them, and sometimes I dont' care why I do them.  Sometimes I think for hours trying to understand my motives.  It doesn't matter. It is only important to me.