Thankyou

Another milestone has been achieved, and in time for Memorial Day.  Mary's headstone is in place.  I took her peach colored roses the other day, her favorite.  Craig II and I went to visit for Mother's Day.  I took pictures of her headstone to her family reunion last week.  Without exception there was amazement with her service in Vietnam and Persian Gulf.  She's my war hero.

At the reunion I had several really helpful discussions with some of Mary's relatives.  It has promoted this writing.  I'm so very thankful to several folks who have given greatly of themselves to help me heal and progress.

First let me thank Bryn.  Bryn was a boss, a coworker and more importanly one hell of a great friend.  When Mary had her heart attack in 2001, on Sept 11, she didn't want anyone to know she had a heart attack.  She made me promise not to tell her mom, our son, friends, relatives, etc.  The mental burden on me was extreme.  I called Bryn at a late hour after driving around for many hours trying to understand what was going on and hoping this wouldn't result in her death.  It didn't but it did result in a double bypass.  Anyway, I called Bryn, he said I could come visit, and I did.  It was a great help.  Eleven years later, on the same date Bryn was there to lend support and an ear.  And he has been there every time I've felt the need.  Not to mention the cooking lessions and breakfasts.

There are many others that have stepped up.  Tom. Tim, Al, Audrey, Pat, Gina, Martha and more recently Marsha and Tracy.   Tracy is the wife of one of Mary's cousins.   She recently shared some very sage advice, and I appreciate that.   There are so many things I need to thank all of you for sharing, providing, or just listening.

In the past month my company decided that I needed to be RIF'd.  So currently I'm unemployed, and I may stay that way.  I didn't want to retire yet, but that is because I didn't want to make another significant change in my life in a 12 month period.  The retirement/unemployment has given me more time to think about things that I really didn't want to think about.  This isn't a cry for help, it is just an acknowledgement of appreciation to all those that stand up during an emotional need.  Thank you so very very much.

Another Achievement

It has turned out great.  Lots of lights, Lots of storage space and really nice appliances.

Two things in particular stand out.  One is the cabinet above the open counter area - a cabinet with glass doors on both sides that make it easy to access and to display some unique German Beer glasses.  I really, really like it.  and second is the tile work for the back splash.  It starts left of the stove, goes above and below the window and all the way to the sliding door.  It is excellent.  Also, in the second picture you'll see that I removed the room dividing ballisters, and the construction guy put down a slab of granite left over from making the counter tops.  The granite on the counter top is very nice and the job done on the seems is excellent.  I'm still trying to get the kitchen organized as to where I put pans, knives, etc.  I'm learning as I cook.  Also, notice the stove has a bottom drawer that is actually another oven that I can cook something like biscuits while something different cooks in the convection oven above.

It feels like my place now.  It is another of the changes that continue to affect, infect my life.

This past six months has been an unimaginable journey.  There have been lots of downs to it, and so few ups.  I have many, many friends to thank for their support.  If you have talked to me in the past six months, you know who you are, and to each of you I owe a great debt of thanks.  You have but to ask and I will be there for you.  Whatever you need, ask and I'll try my best to provide.   It can be a place to stay, moral support, a free meal, a shoulder to cry on.   You have but to ask.  I cannot possibly repay you in anyway for all you each have done for me, but I will try.

Almost Done

Almost Done

Neighbors

For the most part I do not know my neighbors.  On one side of my house I have the Taxi Cab family and on the other side I have the transient residence for folks moving to America from overseas.  Across the street I have the lady that doesn't like my leaf blower - but she spends time outside growing things.  Scattered throughout the neighborhood I know three families that have lived in this neighborhood, like me, since it was built in 1983.  For the most part the neighbors on either side seemed to have been antagonist to my wife's existence.  I can't count the number of times she would remark about them not mowing, not spraying for weeds,  having too many people in their homes, parking the wrong way and so on.   I never interacted with the neighbors and really thought that they disliked my wife just based on the number of times I saw my wife yell at their kids for riding the bikes on our grass, or throwing a ball in the yard. 

About a month ago the transient residents stopped my sister-in-law and asked about Mary.  Pat explained that Mary had died.  She said the neighbors offered their condolences and even offered to come over an cook a meal for me if I really needed it.

Yesterday the taxi cab family wife waved me over to her as I was returning home from a class.  She asked if everything was OK because she had not seen my wife in a long time.  I explained to her that my wife had died last September.  She seemed honestly concerned and expressed her condolences.  Her English is a bit rough but we stood and talked for a bit and she showed me where her pacemaker had been installed. 

Who knew?  I was flabbergasted to think that these ladies ever talked to my wife and had a civil conversation, but evidently there was more to my wife's daily existence then yelling at neighborhood kids.  Mary didn't communicate the simple things in her life to me.  She conveyed the extremes.  The really, really good things like CCD and NASCAR, and the really, really bad things like neighbor kids, bad drivers and people who don't know how to do their own taxes (I guess I was an exception on the last one.). 

Things need to be different.  I can't go back an right my perceived wrongs of the past.  I can work to make it different in the future. 

Kind of a before and now pictures.

Kitchen Continued

The work in the kitchen continues.  I talked to the contractor today and he said it should be all wrapped up by a week from Friday.

The light fixtures are all in, the dishwasher as been added, the mop board has been installed all the way around and the measurements are all done for the counter top which is suppose to arrive next Monday.  The issues that have popped up concern the size of the stove and it's configuration.  With all the knobs on the front, the dishwasher had to be moved over and the sink had to move so the dishwasher would clear the stove.  It is an experience and now that I've been through it once I have ideas on how to do it better next time, but I don't imagine a next time.  In the second picture above, the pantry is about center on the picture.  It has shelves.drawers that pull out to allow ease of access.  I didn't order them, the contractor did that for me.   They are very nice, good addition.  

I'm very happy with what I selected for the kitchen appliances.  The refrigerator is very quiet and is working well and the stove includes a heating box (bottom drawer) and it is a convection oven with lots of features that I may never figure out.  Supposedly the counter top will be ordered this week and installed next week, fingers crossed.  The speed of the effort isn't break neck, but it is getting done.