Change or not

In the military one of the old sayings I've heard is "The only thing consistent around here is change".   As I progress through my change in life I'm torn between the need for consistency and the need to jettison painful memories.   They aren't bad memories.  They are memories that wake me in the wee hours of the morning, they are memories that crush my heart and soul on days when I can't keep focused.  I'd like them to stop haunting me and become part of me much like many, many of my good memories.

This morning I was working on Christmas cards to folks that don't know Mary died, what do I tell them, how do I tell them and what is the appropriate way to address the subject.   I thought a Haiku might be nice or a poem, but I was just kidding around, I've prepared a short note to go in card.  Then the next song in the rotation started,  I could name that tune in 4 notes "Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning) by Alan Jackson.  This is a song about the Twin Towers and 9/11.   It just so happens that my wife had her heart attack on 9/11 and eleven years later she died on 9/11.   Combine, the cards, my thoughts and the song and I spent the next many minutes trying to release my emotions, then subsequently regain control, I have lots of things that need to be done today.  Whenever I am captured by one of these moments I look for the cause and the I try to figure out what I need to change to keep myself in control.   No I won't be giving up Alan Jackson.  No I won't ignore the cards.

Consistency no longer seems like an option.   Yes I need some structure and some schedule to things, but I'm not sure that means consistency.   Bring on the changes but help me to remember all the good, and put it in proper perspective.

Wine of the month?  Malbach  Cigar of the month? Black Market Torpedo.  Liqueur of the month? Limoncello by Il Tramonto.